I Love You, But I'm Leaving...

I Love You, But I’m Leaving…

“Ahhhh man,” he said as he leaned in to kiss me. “I wish you weren’t leaving tonight.” I smiled as I stared back into the bright sparkle of his crystal blue eyes. I genuinely meant it when I responded with a, “Me too.” It’s not that I was going to miss him. We had only spent the day kiting together—which actually means my kite and I almost crashing into the mangroves and he actually kiting through the surf— but it had been incredibly fun. It had been an incredibly fun week in total; spending all of my four days off in Florida, instead of choosing to commute to Los Angeles. I also experienced the brilliant luck of not getting called on standby, which resulted in an eight day stretch of no airplane, no uniform, and no red eye. It felt like heaven. It felt like a heaven I could like living in for a little while longer.

In my heart I want to stay and not just stay for today or tomorrow or until my days off run out, but like, really, legitimately (for me) stay. I want to quit being a flight attendant. I love my job, but I know I must leave soon. I love you, but I’m leaving…

Being a flight attendant is great fun; it’s been THE best fun. It’s so fantastic. I love being me and living this life. I am constantly filled with awe, wonder, excitement and appreciation. I could stay and be happy, but I want to go and be happy somewhere else. I want to do something else.

I’m still doing this cabin crew thing, being here, and living flight attendant life, because it’s easy, fun, and I’m good at it. It’s my comfort zone. I’m currently writing this in Copenhagen. Tomorrow I’ll be in Los Angeles and a few days from now, I’ll be waving hello to Stockholm. It’s crazy good and crazy amazing. My job doesn’t give me a lot of money, but it does give me easy money. The way that I work to earn a living brings with it stresses that I can handle. Stresses that I am accustomed to handling. Jet lag, weight gain, bad skin, distant relationships, sickness, living out of hotels, commuting, goodbyes…

I get tired of these stresses, but haven’t really cared to face the stresses of another type of work. As individuals, we get used to the way things are and changing that takes a monumental amount of courage, faith, vision, belief, and hope. Do I have that? I wonder. Do I have enough courage to jump into that new thing I would like to try? Do I have the faith that it will work out, the vision to see it through, and belief that I can do it? Do I have an unending amount of hope that it will be ok in the beginning, middle, or end no matter how good or bad it gets?

Can I do that thing that I am dreaming about?

My breath catches, because I want it. Almost. Kinda. Pretty much want it. But, do I want it enough to give up the job that I love for the dream that I might love? For the dream that might be really fucking hard at times? For the dream that actually could be a nightmare? I mean, that’s always a possibility. You can’t get what you want in life if you aren’t willing to risk. I can’t get to the place that I dream if I don’t let go. It’s easy to give up a job you hate. It’s much more close to impossible to leave a job you love.

I won’t live abroad unless I move abroad.

I won’t become a kiteboarder unless I kite.

I won’t learn Spanish unless I study.

I won’t make a full-time income writing unless I write full-time.

I won’t know if I can do it unless I actually try to do it. Like 100 percent, heart-and-soul, do it.

You won’t either. You won’t get to where you want if you don’t do what is required to get there. You won’t become a flight attendant, get your dream job, or change your life if you don’t take that first step, commit to the second, and invest along the way. Which is fine for both you and I if we are ok with that being fine. If that works for us. I can’t see that working for me. I want things in my life that will require sacrifices. I originally titled this torn, but torn is not the right description. Torn is how my heart feels when faced with the realization that I am in a season of transition; a season of beautiful, vibrant, and exciting change. Torn is how I feel knowing that my season of flying will be coming to a close; that I now have a timeline. Torn is often how it feels when you breakup with someone you love. Sometimes you can’t even explain why you need to breakup, you just know you need to. Breakups often have shitty explanations, can be full of regrets, or eventually result in finding the love you always imagined.

My job and I are heading for a breakup.

I’m in Copenhagen right now. It’s bright and blue and brisk with the beginning of spring. Everything is bubbling with life and excitement. It wasn’t like this a month ago. There was so much winter in sight. That month ago was beautiful, just like this day of ‘almost summer’ is beautiful. One isn’t worse or better than the other. It’s simply different.

I’ll cry when this is done; this relationship. I’m a crier you know. I’ll miss so much about my flight attendant life, but I want different. I love you, but I’m leaving. It’s time to go and do and dream differently. There’s a sense of freedom in all of this. I’m excited, bubbling with energy, and smiling in gratefulness that I have a chance for a new season.

Don’t even bother telling me not to quit or what to do. You do you, and I’ll do me, and let’s see who and where and what we fall in love with next…

Join the new adventure by visiting www.wishesnwaterlust.com

About the Author Kara

Curious. Bubbly. Creative. Curating a life I don't need an escape from and inspiring you to do the same.

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4 comments

Olivia Welch says April 12, 2016

Good for you! Life was meant for trying new things! And you might even fall in love with traveling more and realize you might like slow travel, a time to actually soak in everything.

HappyTrails says April 15, 2016

Love!!! Follow your bliss, Kara! I quit flight attending myself this year. I was worried I’d miss it, and I do, but my new job is challenging, rewarding, and I’m working on projects I never would’ve dreamed of!
Bigger & better things are on the horizon for you!!!

Mardi says April 16, 2016

I’m truly going to miss following your life as a flight attendant; as I read your blogs I relate to you more than you could ever possibly know. You are so amazing and I wish you nothing but the best as you take your next step in life. As always, embark on a new adventure. xoxo 🙂

Michael Jacobson says April 17, 2016

Hi Kara that was such a heart felt and a beautiful piece of writing! you certainly do possess a writer’s hand, hope you would always pursue your writing!! I do want you to know that you have inspired many many men and women to aspire to be a flight attendant and they are truly going to be sad to see you go if you indeed eventually decide to move on to hopefully greener pastures. If your constant traveling is getting hard on your body and skin, can you move up the ladder in your airline into a position that would not make you fly as much as you do? It would be a shame for a talented person like you to leave the travel industry. You do also have great teaching skills, you have the ability to reach people’s hearts and so ever wondered about being a teacher of some sort apart from being a writer? What ever you do my very best to you and I have full faith in you that you would be discerning and choose wisely. Ciao

I Love You, But I’m Leaving…

About the Author Kara

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