“…I’m not going back to the cape, hat, and red leather gloves.”
I closed my eyes; the Mercedes rocking my head side-to-side as the van sped the group onward to Tel Aviv. For some reason, I felt a tinge of sadness. Normally, when I went on trips for blogging or for fun, I would always come back to that cabin crew uniform. This time, I wouldn’t be coming back to that. I wouldn’t be returning to the states for the familiar. I wouldn’t be returning to the same foreign places. It wouldn’t be London, Copenhagen, and Oslo. It would be home. It would be starting a new job. It would be no more silly hat and 787.
I think it’s in those moments when we miss the comfortable and the familiar that we want to have it back— our old life. This doesn’t mean we have made a misstep in our lives, but is simply a natural reaction to being faced with change. It’s when it sinks in— that all is different— we feel out of place and alone. This doesn’t mean that we are out of place and alone; it’s just a feeling. Sometimes, all that you need to do is take a breath or go to sleep and wake up with a fresh perspective and renewed energy. Because— you decided the things you decided for a reason. Remember your reasons; remember your whys.
I’m in that space of needing to focus on my whys and my vision, because if I focus on how I feel in this moment, I’m going to lose everything that I want. I will lose my sparkle. I will lose my career goals. I will lose him. I will lose me. I will lose everything about why I’m doing what I’m doing.
If I get past my emotions of being a little bummed out right now, I can logically say, “This is normal.” Of course it’s expected to be sad when saying a goodbye. Of course it’s normal to feel like all you want to do is be home when you are in a foreign country, so sick you can’t eat for days. Of course it’s normal to wish to return to the magic of yesterday. But, if all you want is the magic of yesterday, you will bypass the destiny found in tomorrow. Because tomorrow has your name written all over it.
You did what you did for a reason. Let it sink in.
There are a few sayings that go something like, “those people and things who are meant to stay in your life do and will.” Trust that. I’m trying to. I’m writing this to remind myself not to worry about who I am missing and the job that I left. I am still convicted that making a change was exactly what I needed to do. I’m simply longing for the familiar, a little scared of the challenges, and wanting to find my place. Change can often be the first step to getting what you really want in life.
