I’ve been reading and re-reading all these books recently. It’s a good thing— not motivated by a New Year’s resolution though, but triggered because I need to occupy my mind. I need to stop it from thinking too much. I’ve been thinking too much about a guy. Sigh…My jet lagged eyes have been even more puffy and bloodshot thanks to this thinking too much and my affinity to crying.
I honestly love my personality and how I get SUPER excited about everything, but the annoying downside to that— is the cloud that brought the rainbow— is like the apocalypse in my world. It’s not just a grey cloud, but it’s like the world is ending. It’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous. I realize this. My older brother is so mellow. He was the easy kid to raise. And well, me…I’m a firecracker; always exciting and loud, one minute shining brightly, the next minute all burned out. The struggle is real.
Everyone has areas in their lives that, when managed well and redirected effectively, allow them to take on the world. If I am not careful, my tendency toward extremes will hurt me and my relationships. I have to work every day to become more patient, less controlling, more trusting of God’s plan for my life, and find a way to live a little “in the middle.” Your faulty character traits won’t ruin you. They complete you. You are this oddity of adventure, with quirks and surprises that make you the only ‘you’ there is— don’t hate. Just work with it.
I’m helpless to control some of what’s happening, so it’s been a matter of redirecting my energy to what I can control. It’s been a choice to smile instead of frown, hope instead of worry, ‘let go’ instead of obsess. I’ll tell you a secret my friends. If— in life— we learn to effectively control our thoughts, our minds, and our attitudes, we can control our destinies.
I want 2016 to be better than the last—and for how things have started—it might appear that that is not the case. I could choose to say, “Thanks 2016. Four days in, and you are already are a total bitch.” But no; I’m a part and a player in this game. I have just as many responsibilities in creating healthy relationships, accomplishing my goals, and directing my life to where I want it to be. So, I’ve attacked my new goals with extra attention, already accomplishing the desire to buy and have my own kiteboarding gear. I’ve needed to read more and write positive quotes on little notecards, because I’m teetering this fine line of just wanting to throw it all in with blogging, writing, flying, and relationships.
This is when you realize that my perfect island, beautiful life, full of adventures, living on both coasts—complete with airplanes, countries, cities, and all things cool, is not perfect.
In one of the books I just started reading titled, “Scary Close: Dropping The Act And Finding True Intimacy,” the author says that, “Somewhere along the line I think many of us buy into the lie that, ‘we only matter if…We only matter if we are strong or smart or attractive or whatever.'” The author goes on to say that, “Those of us who are never satisfied with our accomplishments believe that nobody will love us unless we are perfect.” Perfect is a hard level to live up to. One that never ends well.
Last year, when I took three months off from flying due to fatigue, one of the hardest things about that time was that I was no longer playing “The Flight Attendant.” I all of a sudden had to be someone else in social interactions. I didn’t have my costume or my label to define me. There are so many labels that I, and all of us, use to identify ourselves. We become attached to who we are in the titles, because somewhere within us we don’t believe that we can be loved unless we have the most beautiful costume, the best act, and added external value. Somewhere within us, we have forgotten that, “We have inestimable worth. That we are worth dying for.” (paraphrase of Rob Bell)
I’m talking to myself when I say all this. Flying is often more about life than flying anyway. I think it’s more important that you know I struggle too. Me and my beautiful, lovely life and all that is in it still has me wondering, “Am I good enough? Without the acts, the flight attendant costume, the travel junkie, free-spirit titles that have been self-imposed and externally given to me, who am I, and who am I ultimately created to be? These are questions we all have wondered.
Getting everything you’ve always wanted, and everything you never even imagined you could have in your life will never fix your heart space. To make this the best year yet, you must realize that no job, no person, no costume or act will give you joy. To first find that unshakeable peace and happiness, you must believe you are worthy, valuable, priceless. Just the way you are.
Cliched? Probably. Idealistic? Maybe. But I say, it’s worth a shot. Because today, I’m telling myself, “I’m worth it.” Tomorrow, I will tell myself too. You can’t expect everyone else in your life to have the time to be your best cheerleader. Take that responsibility on this year. Be you your own cheerleader. You don’t have to pretend to have it all together. You don’t need to be defined by what you do.
Contemplate the amazing fact that you are alive and you got to live in 2016. Many don’t have the luxury. I think we owe it to those others to drop the act, ditch the costume, and make this year our best year yet…
Curious. Bubbly. Creative. Curating a life I don't need an escape from and inspiring you to do the same.