Life is often defined by set schedules, ideas, and ideals. Then you become a flight attendant. Your world is flipped upside-down, and you are thrown around. You handle your new found chaos with this wonderful coping skill called;
“AHHHHHHHH!!!! My life!!!!! WTF!!!….Whatever.“
Always, always end in ‘whatever,’ or you will be one of those crazy bitches on the flight, the one that all of the passengers, and crew HATE.
Now that you are a flight attendant, things that once mattered, don’t really anymore. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about…
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Things That No Longer Matter When You Are A Flight Attendant
- Days of The Week: Monday, Tuesday, Friday??? It means little. Days run together, and dates…it’s all the same in the metal-tube in the sky.
- Weekends: What are those???
- Holidays: Unless the company doles out Holiday Pay, you kinda stop caring (sad truth).
- Time Of Day: You’ve been in four timezones in two days. Is it breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Oh well. 6hrs behind, 9hrs ahead, 3a, 4p, waaaahhhh. You are just tired.
- Eating After 8p: Ummmm…whoever created this idiotic food rule never worked as an international flight attendant, cause, ummmmmm, it’s always after 8p somewhere!!! And then, you’re in the sky, so technically the timezone changes somewhere to make it before, or the next-day, or who knows. All I know is that Nazi-esque food rules do not work with this life. Be as healthy as you can be. Eat when you feel hungry, or more accurately, when you actually have a second and aren’t running from forward cabin to aft, serving everyone else their midnight snacks.
- Sleeping Only At Night: You sleep whenever you can, wherever you can…and with whoever you can??? JUST KIDDING. That last part was a joke. Please no emails.
- Only Drinking Coffee In The Morning: Morning…again timezones. And sleep deprivation. Drinking coffee matters, but when becomes irrelevant when you are a flight attendant.
- Where You Are Going: When crews do not stay at the destination, they don’t really care where it happens to be. All that matters is when you have to get to work, and when you will be back home.
- Where You Just Were: I forgot. I’m not there anymore. The places blur together.
- Where You Are Now: You’re pretty sure it will include one of the following: an airport, an airplane, or a hotel. How much where a flight attendant is matters only to the extent of how many hours said flight attendant gets to stay. If it’s not many, it doesn’t matter.
- Distance (To An Extent): Hour flights, a few states, and maybe one timezone away becomes less relevant when, as a flight attendant, you travel for free. But, distance still matters, and it still is a challenge, but less than it matters to “a normal person.”