The words match my cadence— deliberate and steady— as we walk side-by-side along the Southern California sea. I pause to let my message sink in and yet skip effortlessly past how this may make him feel. Because quite simply, I don’t care. “I’m never home,” I say unapologetically. Period. Silence. Done before it’s started.
I sigh in relief after our very non-dramatic and non-emotional goodbye. Now I can go back and snuggle up in my bed cause I’m still a bit jet lagged I think. It was just a walk by the beach. Not even a coffee, so it can’t count as a first date. I have the sense that there is no point to an actual date one. We both know it. He was nice enough. Cute enough. Boring enough. Probably wants me to be home all the time and have 2.5 babies in 5.2 seconds. I figure he’s already judging me for my job. I just know it. [Insert eyeroll here].
If there is one thing that infuriates me to no end, it is the assumption that having a relationship with a flight attendant or pilot is impossible due to the travel schedule. I have no remorse over telling someone I am gone twenty to twenty five days per month, and you know why that is?
Because, I (literally) design my life and my schedule.
I could change it all if I wanted. I don’t have to do this job. I don’t have to live this way. This is the beauty and power in realizing that you are the designer and determiner of your destiny. Realize it because you are!
If Prince Amazing walked into my life tomorrow and EARNED the right to take my time, and I WANTED to work less, I could go back to my goal of three to five days of corporate flight attendant work per month. I could be home all of the time. I don’t work because I have to— I work because I am BLESSED. I work because this is an amazing opportunity. I work because I make a great income, and if I keep working this much, I could possibly afford to buy a house in five years. I work because I was paid to spend ten days in Moscow, surf in Hawaii, and see friends in New York, London, and Glasgow. I work so much because there is a time stamp to this thing I’m doing. I work because I want to soak up the sense of accomplishment, wonder and beauty of every single second. I know that if roles were reversed any “normal”— you know those people that have that 9-to-5 job and always put “I love travel” on their dating app profiles— would jump at the chance to do this with their life. Those normals on dating apps are just funny, aren’t they?
If you are a flight attendant or pilot, it’s easy to forget how incredible your schedule actually is and how lucky you are to have your job. Remember, it’s harder to become a Delta Flight Attendant than get into Harvard. Stop fucking apologizing for having one of the coolest adventures in the world. It’s not going to last forever, so embrace this moment for everything it is and if someone can’t embrace you for that, Ariana Grande has some words to encourage you.
I know flight attendants and pilots will talk about how it’s always the schedules and being gone that ruins relationships, but find me a pilot or flight attendant who has NOT used their schedule as a tool to ghost, avoid, and kindly get out of going on a date with someone who just isn’t that interesting. C’mon. I know my schedule is the perfect excuse when I want it to be. Haha. Sorry, not sorry?!
Our schedule is a blessing. When you are home as flight crew, you are 100 percent home. You are independent, adventurous, vibrant, successful, and accomplished. I know sometimes you think, “But, I’m just a flight attendant,” but to most people, you have the careers— pilot or cabin crew— that they once dreamed of as a child. Then, life got in the way and they never did it. But you did. You are living a dream, and that dream will never get in the way of the relationship actually meant for you.
At least that is what I choose to believe.
My last relationship, although fun in its initial stages, became what I don’t know how to put on paper. I was told I was selfish and not around enough. I remember thinking, “No one has ever treated me this terribly in my entire life.” I felt “not enough” no matter what I did and angry that the thing that I had sacrificed so much for, my career, was the blame to why it wasn’t working. The truth was, it was always more than that. You can’t change people, save people, or make them happy. I’m glad I walked. I’m glad I chose my job as a corporate flight attendant first in this season. When I do change and alter my career and schedule, it will be for me. For something and someone who makes me a better person. For another long-term adventure. And, it won’t feel like I’m giving up what I love. It will feel like the biggest blessing to jump into another chapter of life.
To date me you will need to be busy, intelligent, ambitious, faith-focused, and intentional and if for some reason, you are that thing that stops me dead in my tracks, I will have absolutely no problem redesigning my life. I (along with God’s grace and masterful care) designed it this way, so we can go on to design it another way. I’m simply happy with my current space and trajectory. I’m NOT looking for the puzzle piece to complete me, but what I am open to is the key that will enhance everything that my life already is and make it more than that.
Let’s be real— Big shoes to fill. But, why would I expect less? Why do YOU expect less?!?! You are so worth it. Ask for big love, a big life, and big dreams.
Ask.
Then live UNAPOLOGETICALLY. And kindly. Because if you can be one thing in the world, be kind.
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