Motorcycle Diaries

Riding through Iceland on the back of a motorcycle isn’t something I said that I would do in my life.  Really, a trip to Iceland wasn’t on my bucket list either, but it’s not as if my life goes as I plan.  I didn’t think that I would be a flight attendant, or start a blog, or make tortillas on days off.  I had other items on my list.  I envisioned the college degree, a job at Nike in Marketing, a boyfriend, turned fiancé, turned husband.  Then the house with the white picket fence where our yellow lab puppy would play.  Naturally, the puppy would pave the way for children; diapers, play dates, and skinned knees.  And I was happy with how that looked.

I envisioned something else for my life.  Something more typical.

But, I am not typical.

I had no idea that there could be other options for my life, and I didn’t see a beyond my white picket fence thoughts. Traveling has awakened a part of my soul, my personality molded by the experiences and the interactions.  I am more aware of opportunities as they pass, choosing to snatch them before they disappear.

And taking advantage of the moments is why I ended up in Iceland, and  why I found myself on the back of a motorcycle, my arms wrapped tightly around a Twenty-Something Icelandic guy, a man who I had met only ten minutes earlier.  Although Raggi is the brother of a friend that I know in Los Angeles, there was little that I knew about him, or Dori for that matter, and I had just put my faith in Raggi’s driving skills and in his goodness as a person.  It’s not often that my parents lecture me on the things that I do, as I am responsible, but I have been scolded by family members and friends at times, them voicing there concern of my free spirited, trusting nature.

At any rate, the last time that I clutched tightly to a boy on a motorcycle, it was in California, and it turned out to be on of the dumbest decisions that I have ever made. Wheeling and splitting traffic on a dark mountain road, hitting speeds of 100 plus miles per hour at times had left me breathlessly terrified with visions of ICU and a mom in tears.  And I knew that driver well. We had grown up together.  Now, I was holding on, in full leathers, speeding down a different road, in a different country, with a different boy, and I couldn’t help but think that this was a little crazy.  Was this careful?  What could happen?  I didn’t know.  But none of this unknown made me wish that I was home, in the confines of my room, watching TV.  I was ok, and not only ok, I was smiling. I was in Iceland.

You’ll never know what could happen.

I think this is what nudges me out of my comfort zone.   Constantly I ask myself, “If I didn’t go here, or do that, or talk to him, or strike up a conversation with her, would I always wonder?”  The curiosity of ‘not knowing,’  pushes me and prods me to take chances that some people neglect to take.  I do not want to live my life letting fears or insecurities overwhelm, setting limits that trap me to a mediocre existence.

I marvel at the road my life has taken and question where Someone is leading me.  Feelings of being wholly undeserving of the opportunities I’ve been gifted, opportunities that I now snatch up with a zest that tires even me out.  This world is magical, and scary, and exciting.

And more than I ever could have dreamed.

I believe that all of this, the enjoyable, and not so, are building for something; for a purpose.  I choose to trust that there is more beyond the world that I glimpse now.  And right now, I’m holding to that belief, as I am faced with unknowns that fight to overwhelm my soul.  I sometimes want to just look at the sky and yell, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN MY LIFE!!!!”

I’m faced with many unknowns and many facets of my existence that I don’t know how to fix; a tortilla business that struggles, a base closure (which means a move), questions of career direction, and building a profitable blogging business.

These are my fears.  All of us have fears, most that we never voice.  I’m not afraid of flying or meeting strangers or riding on motorcycles, but I am so scared of the intangibles.

Until I find answers for all the unknowns, I’ll take care of what I can and enjoy what I love; adventure, writing, and travel.  I may not know what I am meant for yet, but I will hold on tightly, take a few risks, and enjoy the ride!