Does Aviation Ruin Relationships?

Cool story and a good cautionary analysis of possible relationship pitfalls within the aviation lifestyle. Two items of note I’d add though: one is that unlike other careers (such as nurse or dietitian or engineer for example) where the jobs can be found pretty much anywhere, with airlines you’re stuck at certain base cities (sometimes at the temporary whims of the company as you well know) and don’t always have the freedom to move around with a partner or vice versa. The second (and positive part) is that the flight benefits do make it easy to pursue long-distance relationships or any kind of friendship for that matter for people who are into that kind of thing and not just the ersatz facebook variety.

How about just don’t flirt with pilots? As a pilot wife I can tell you trampy flight attendants “innocently” flirting with pilots is infuriating. Don’t piss in your own pond.

lol. Sara, most people meet their significant others via college or work so your blanket statement sounds ignorant and makes you seem insecure in yourself. A nurse should never flirt with a doctor! A homeowner should never flirt with a mailman! Someone who works at a company should never flirt with someone in Human Resources!

Spot on analysis with relationships within the aviation industry. I myself am a corporate pilot. Although I am not, “on call” my schedule is 6 on 3 off. I met a flight attendant while on a deadhead to CHS. We’ve been talking ever since and Ive flown out to see her (on her buddy pass) a few times. Me being in NJ and her in NC it is tough and very difficult to continue this relationship. I’ve said the exact things to myself. “Will I ever find anyone willing to put up with this?” “Is this just how it’s supposed to be? Live single and alone but hey I get to fly?” A career is just that, a career. When it affects your quality of life then it seems something must be done to gain it back, even if it means finding another industry. In my opinion aviation is a selfish industry. It takes time (a ton of time) away from loved ones and oneself. Although I love my job I don’t love the fact that even the girl next door would think twice about being with me for the fact I’m hardly ever around to build anything. Being 29 and seeing a lot of my peers with families I am torn. Though I at times do enjoy being single, I can’t help but envy the loving displays of affection. ie: my buddy’s wife is so proud to display the sandwich she made for her husbands work lunch. Must be nice.

Aviation is really a selfish industry . aviation keeps peolpeoples away from their love ones .

I loved reading your blog. Found it while I was googling “the pilot wife lifestyle and divorce rates.” I’m probably leaving my pilot next month (been together 3.5 years, not married but living together). I seriously can’t do this anymore. Not only is he not transparent and communicative when he is away, I’m not his priority. When he’s home? Bliss…match made in heaven. He recently went international and gets to hike through Italy on 5 day layovers, spent 5 days in Sydney on fourth of july hanging out on a beach and touristing, he now has 9 FA’s instead of 2. So, I have a passport I’ve never used (I’m 38) and engaged to a man who is LIVING my dream with strangers that I’ll never meet and places I’ll never see. It’s unfair for him to have me at home feeling this way, and unfair for me to marry someone who will live 65% of their life in adventures that will never include me. I want a partnership in life, and I actually feel lonely and depressed. Some women can get their own life and make it work, but I don’t feel like a partnership with separate lives can work for me. When I’m single? I am social and do things on my own. In a partnership I’m up my partner’s butt.
I think my pilot is a genuinely great guy and I love and adore him beyond words. I’ll be devastated to walk away but it is what I’m doing to protect my heart (he cheated during our first year with multiple FA’s but I didn’t find out until later). Even without the cheating though, this is NOT for me. I would NEVER date a pilot again. Being with mine and meeting so many pilots and spouses in the industry….yeah…NO thank you!
I hope that you are happy and blissful in your amazing career and find love that works for you! We are all individuals and what doesn’t work for some can work for others.

I am currently struggling with this ALOT right now. My boyfriend and I got together just a couple of weeks before I left for ground school. Ground school was SO hard for that reason. Being a thousand miles away during the baby stages of our relationship really took its toil. But we stuck through it. And now he only lives an hour away from my base, so it’s not a “long distance” relationship, as I get to stay with him when I’m not working. But… when I AM working… it is hell. I miss him so much, and I go through this mental cycle of “God, I love him so much” “God, he doesn’t need this, he probably hates this, I should just end it for his sake so he doesn’t have to deal with never knowing if or when he’s gonna see me again (I’m on reserve).”
I cry on most of my trips. I love what I do. I love going to new places and exploring and seeing the beautiful world we live in. But I hate not getting to have a normal relationship where I get to see him every day, and fight over dumb stuff like leaving the toilet seat up. I want that. But I also want to spend my Saturday nights in Mexico and Monday mornings in Washington D.C. Is it even possible to have both? ????
Sincerely,
A New Flight Attendant who’s trying to figure it out

After more than a dozen years as a pilot’s wife I can tell you it’s not all “lunch in Paris” and chocolates from Brussels. It’s also been discovering he’s been screwing around, buying hookers, sleeping with flight attendants young enough to be our children, and had an ongoing affair with a women 10 years older than me. I’m a sahm, I keep a beautiful home, I entertain his family and friends, I see my friends only when he’s flying at his request. He claims his copilot are jealous of how well I take care of him. From treating his uniforms to white glove service, to polishing his uniform shoes, to making sure he has yummy snacks in his bag for layovers and princess parking at the airport. All things I do willingly to honor the man I love. I thought we had a great marriage, until I discovered this whole other person I didn’t know I was married to. When I asked the inevitable “why” … his only answer said it all; “because I can,” Marry a pilot or flight attendant? I would never, ever encourage someone to do it.